WHY LAWD WHY???

I am not understanding why I always get the brunt end of guys.
It is something that I am struggling with.....seriously. I don't know what makes guys say some of the stuff that they say, it's like there is something blocking that part of their brain. It will not allow them to STOP AND THINK about what they say. Case in point, there is a guy who seems to have his eye on me. Now in no way, shape, or form does this guy have a chance with me. I'm not cocky, but I do have standards. You have to be 1) clean cut, 2) clean, 3) appear to have your ish together just to even have conversation, 4) did I say you have to be clean?, and last but not least 5) NO GOLD TEETH.......
The guy that is supposedly in love with me is a cross bt Craig Mack, The predator, and Flavor Flav. He also has a slither of a gold tooth....a slither! He just doesn't look sanitary....like he got Hepititis A-C in this camp. I swear to you I am not one of those superficial girls who thinks looks are the only thing you got going for you, but for real ya'll, if you are one of those people who say looks aren't everything.....your lying. You have to be attracted to something with your significant other and this guy is just not my cup of tea, he is not even the sugar in my cup of tea. And I know I am no beauty queen, but dayum!!
He drops lines like, "Girl were u born in a deep freezer, bc you shole is a cold piece of work!" and the infamous,"You as fly as an airplane!"(all my friends have started calling me American Airlines) and my fav, "I want you to thank yo momma for me, bc she made such a beautiful creation." WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Isn't the whole purpose of trying to date someone is to show them your charm, so that they may in fact, reciprocate the feelings? This guy is dead serious, and not to mention a BUG A BOO!! He is one of those, on my last nerve dudes!!! Being subtle is not working, I am going to have to be harsh...and I don't want to, but that is the only language that this fool is going to understand. Sad part is ya'll, he honestly thinks that he has a chance. He asked me to go to Pappadeux for my birthday...I love me some Pappadeaux! Do you know how hard it was for me to say no?! I had to decline....I don't want to give this brotha a reason AT ALL!!! Did I mention that he was 34 with 5 kids?? UGH!!! I will be 23 on Sunday.....no kids...we just don't mix!!! Pray for me ya'll bc I have to deal with em....if I have to go to HR soon, believe me you will know.....
Birthday wishes will be accepted until Nov. 3 :-) ~~Besos!!

AND THE COUNTDOWN HAS STARTED......

My birthday is in 9 days.....I'll be 23!
Everyone at work keeps poking fun at me...it's cool. I'll take it. They all tell me that I am so mature to be one of the youngest ones working there. It makes me very proud that they say that! You know to work around 27-34 yr olds and to establish some of the friendships that I have.....and for them to tell me they thought I was their age, it shows alot about who I am.
My mom keeps asking me what I am doing. I think she has something up her sleeve, bc when I told her that I was going to College Station(for another Wedding Shower) she looked kind of sad. I promised her that I would come by that Sunday night when I got back. I hope she isn't planning a surprise party....really. As nice as it would be, and as much as I would appreciate it, I don't want a party this year. Presents, yes. Party....not really.
Fun Fact: This is the first birthday in seven years that I don't have a boyfriend. Really weird.
I don't know how I should feel about this, happy or ashamed:)
I still don't even have a male friend that I could hold hands with. I hate dating in Dallas.....it sux:(
FYI: If you know of ANYTHING that me and my girlfriends can do for my bday in Dallas, let me know bc I'm about all out of things.......

BLUE EYED SOUL

The past month white boys have surprised me! I mean I kinda lost faith with this whole boyband thing.....
Then Justin came out with his cd.
And then I someone told me about Robin Thicke.....all I have to say is go and get it!!
It is almost better than......dare I say it.....Justin.(it doesnt hurt that he is hot)

I MUST ADMIT I HAVE A PROBLEM....

I stole this from Diva:

Three Names You Go By: Kay, Quida, Shi-Shi

Three Parts of Your Heritage: African, Creole, Indian

Three Things That Scare You: Death, Heights, Dogs

Three of Your Everyday Essentials: COBigelow lip shine, Angels Mist by Victoria, Palmers Cocoa Butter

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:Breast Cancer bracelet, Short Blue Jean Jacket, black one piece gaucho outfit

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists: Aerosmith, Common, Aaliyah

Three of Your Favorite Songs: The Light(Common), Bended Knee(BoysIIMen), Momma(Tupac)

Three Things You Want in a Relationship:Trust, Romance, Loyalty

Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex: smile, hands, eyes

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: Baking, singing, dancing

Three Things You want really badly right now: a new hairstyle

Three people you would like to see do this:(Jameil, J-bigg, Monica)

Three Non-Physical Things about the Opposite Sex: Breath, communication skills, social capacity

Three Favorite T.V. shows: Grey's Anatomy, Brothers&Sisters, Weeds

Three Songs that you have listened to while completing this meme: Heartbreaker(Danity Kane), Ring the Alarm(Beyonce), My Love(Justin and T.I.)

PROTOTYPE

I want a man who:
Speaks to me like I am his equal;
never disrespects.....especially in front of people.
Loves me unconditionally
tells me how he is feeling.
Lets me know that I am important, and gives good sexual healing.
Lets me know that I am beautiful, outside and in,
works hard for what he wants, gives his all not to sin.
Kisses the arch of my back, rubs the balls of my feet, kisses my forehead, and holds me tight while he sleeps.
Respect is a must, it will be a two way street~no lying, no cheating, no being discreet.
Keeps my picture in his wallet, shows me off to his friends
loves to see me in my ponytail, sweats, and face all bland.
Knows what a good woman he has, and doesn't take advantage,
doesn't mind my independence, stubbornness, or my witty banter.
Someone who can speak with me about Kanye or Condi, who can groove with me to my man Common.
And understands that I sometimes need my space, and knows that I love him and that's okay.
Holds my hand in front of his friends, sends me flowers and cards, and wants me to hang out with him and the boys.
Cooks and cleans, irons and does laundry, not all the time, just when I'm recharging.
Has no insecurities, he knows I'm his lady, his lover, his one, his only, his baby.
All these things I want in my man, not a list or a pre-requisite, just genuine and grand. I know if I pray, God will send him in time, and I can't wait for the day that love will be mine.
this is an original, this is my truth.....

MY RANT...I HAD TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST.

No matter how much I try to tell myself that it doesn't hurt, it does. I try to tell myself that we ended for a reason and that we wouldn't be together now if we did stay together. We were too young then, we didn't know what we wanted and we figured we would be back together if we really needed to be. But we both moved on, and it just so happens that your relationship worked. Mine, didn't. Whether you relize it or not, we share more than 60% of the same friends, and they all still feel the need to let me know what is going on in your life. I know...even though you didn't want me too, she is having your baby. You two are happy, your married, and your life keeps getting better by the minute. I am happy for you. Really I am. I just keep remembering the promises we made to eachother, and I wonder will I ever get to the point your at. I remember when we used to talk and you used to doubt yourself. You used to say you were scared that you were not going to be anything in this world. But look at you! Your going to be a father, and I'm sure your a wonderful husband. But I would be lying if I said this didn't hurt. I see things around, your wedding pix posted, your comments to others Thanking them for coming on such short notice, and how about how happy you are. I wonder if you do that so that I know ur happy, bc honestly, half of those people you never really talk to. We didn't have closure at the end, as much as we tried to get there, we never did. You always told me that you wanted to be a better father than yours, you said that no matter what u were going to make it work if we had a child. Your keeping your promise, just to another woman. I heard it was because she got pregnant...is that true? Because ya'll weren't together for a while, then all of sudden your married....just a question.
I guess I wonder if in the back of your mind you still think about me as much as I do you. I wonder if you care still, bc of the 5 years we had, I'd like to think that you do. I'm not a homewrecker, hell I want your marriage to work, but I still contemplate....what if I was her? I wonder if I was ill, hurt, or dying, would you still come...if your promises of "keeping that door open" are still in effect....I wonder if all the storms we went through are shadowed in your mind by all the wonderful times we had...I wonder if you regret that day we reached a compromise. I wonder if your family approves of this..bc lawd knows your mom "Mijo are you sure"......I wonder if you wonder these things about me...I wonder if I will ever be able to get over you. I wonder if you forgive me for making the decision to be me...I hope you did..I wish you could see me now! I'm doing it! I'm living my life for me:) But with all that said, I wish you the best....I'm here for you...Always have, always will. No matter what. p.s-he'll never read this, just something I had to get off my chest. It's not this dummy either....

THE NIGHTTIME, SNIFFLING, SNEEZING....I CALL BS MEDICINE!

YEAH RIGHT! I call bullshhh.... I feel like poop crap and this Nyquil, Dayquil sh*t isn't working! I am about to go crazy bc I have no appetite, but I have to eat bc if I don't, I feel like I am going to pass out. I know I'm running fever bc I am cold and hot all at the same time, my sinuses....let me not get started on those....and my poor nose..it is so raw that when I breathe it hurts. I hate being sick......pray for me ya'll!!