No matter how much I try to tell myself that it doesn't hurt, it does. I try to tell myself that we ended for a reason and that we wouldn't be together now if we did stay together. We were too young then, we didn't know what we wanted and we figured we would be back together if we really needed to be. But we both moved on, and it just so happens that your relationship worked. Mine, didn't. Whether you relize it or not, we share more than 60% of the same friends, and they all still feel the need to let me know what is going on in your life. I know...even though you didn't want me too, she is having your baby. You two are happy, your married, and your life keeps getting better by the minute. I am happy for you. Really I am. I just keep remembering the promises we made to eachother, and I wonder will I ever get to the point your at. I remember when we used to talk and you used to doubt yourself. You used to say you were scared that you were not going to be anything in this world. But look at you! Your going to be a father, and I'm sure your a wonderful husband. But I would be lying if I said this didn't hurt. I see things around, your wedding pix posted, your comments to others Thanking them for coming on such short notice, and how about how happy you are. I wonder if you do that so that I know ur happy, bc honestly, half of those people you never really talk to. We didn't have closure at the end, as much as we tried to get there, we never did. You always told me that you wanted to be a better father than yours, you said that no matter what u were going to make it work if we had a child. Your keeping your promise, just to another woman. I heard it was because she got pregnant...is that true? Because ya'll weren't together for a while, then all of sudden your married....just a question.
I guess I wonder if in the back of your mind you still think about me as much as I do you. I wonder if you care still, bc of the 5 years we had, I'd like to think that you do. I'm not a homewrecker, hell I want your marriage to work, but I still contemplate....what if I was her? I wonder if I was ill, hurt, or dying, would you still come...if your promises of "keeping that door open" are still in effect....I wonder if all the storms we went through are shadowed in your mind by all the wonderful times we had...I wonder if you regret that day we reached a compromise. I wonder if your family approves of this..bc lawd knows your mom "Mijo are you sure"......I wonder if you wonder these things about me...I wonder if I will ever be able to get over you. I wonder if you forgive me for making the decision to be me...I hope you did..I wish you could see me now! I'm doing it! I'm living my life for me:) But with all that said, I wish you the best....I'm here for you...Always have, always will. No matter what. p.s-he'll never read this, just something I had to get off my chest. It's not this dummy either....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
why do you friends keep telling you about it? that's not cool.
@Jameil: I think that most of them do it subconciously, ya know. We're hanging out, and its more like "You know ____ is getting married right?" but not directed to me, but I happen to overhear. They apologize, but bc we share SO many friends that I hear about it. It really isn't cool, but what do ya do?
damn girl i got all choked up reading this. the same shit happens with my ex. everyone has to tell me who he's with what car he's got, where he works, it kills me! Also, its been 2 years since that break up and I still wonder about him. I dont cry anymore or hate him, just wonder.
@Peach:Good to know that somone else goes through this...and as much as it kills me, I don't hate him..I do just wonder ya know...
Post a Comment